I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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