he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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