her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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