is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
