can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
