I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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