I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
