capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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