I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize