Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize