My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
