you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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