I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
