I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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