it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's official drugs can't kill me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
