Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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