i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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