On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You work out of a Hotel?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
