and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
