I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
