Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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