Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
