Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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