my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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