mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
