We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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