Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
