remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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