ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
