my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
