Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
