so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
