Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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