i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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