i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
