We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
