just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
