I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
