my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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