ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
