It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
