Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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