Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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