The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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