last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
