i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
