I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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