so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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