how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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