Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
