you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
