Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
