Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
