I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
