So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
