Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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