I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
