you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
