I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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