1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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