Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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