why didn't you poke me back
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
