dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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