we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
