I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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