Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
