ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
